Quoting a blog friend ~Peggy~
"Every child is a perfect soul. They may not always be the packaging we were expecting, but they are all perfect."
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I have a Bee in my Bonnett and I am setting it Free!
Yesterday, Mike and I took the boys to McDonalds for lunch and to play in the playhouse. While I got our food Mike took the kids into the play area, took off their shoes and let them run wild. Some of you may know where I am going with this story and Im sure I will get tons of emails about this, so here goes.
I got into the play area to find Carter under the playhouse in a small space back right up to the netting with 2 other children lying in front of him and trying to figure out "why he has no hand". I also found my husband trying desperately to difuse the situation but these children where in aww of Carter. Now I am going to say this right up front, I have no problem with curious children or adults, I love telling everyone about Carter and how unique he is. I use our experience(s) to help others understand how everyone is different and that it is ok to be different. I frequently find myself surrounded by at least a dozen kids and parents at the park and I very happily tell them about Carter and his differences and his acheivements. What mother wouldn't want to talk about their kids right?
I am not sure how we did it but we got the kids out from under the playhouse and then got Carter out and explained to the kids in our usual way why Carter had no hand. We told them that he was born with no hand, which usually is followed by "why?" (typical little kid question) and we usually say something like "God made him that way" and by this time their parents usually pipe in and help explain in a way that they know their child will understand by this time the kids are usually all playing together and it becomes a parent to parent conversation.
Well this time was different. The moms of the boys didn't come to see what we were talking to their children about nor do I think they cared why my husband and I were talking to their children. Which I must say frightens me - if I saw 2 adults talking to my children I would be right there finding out why strangers were talking to them.
We got our boys to the table to eat lunch and the kids were walking over and asking us why he had no hand and we kept saying the same thing and still the Moms sitting right next to us said nothing. One kid stood at our table for nearly 3 minutes staring at Carter and didn't say anything. When I said "Hey Buddy what's up" he ran away. I felt really bad because I was just trying to make him comfortable to ask a question but at the same time I felt like it wasn't fair to Carter to have someone standing at our table staring at him. Still the Mother's who now clearly knew what was going on, said nothing. So when lunch was over they ventured back to the playhouse and about 5 boys (4 - 8 years old) followed my boys into the tunnels. The minute Carter got on the floor to climb into the playhouse they noticed his prosthetic foot. I was totally prepared to explain his prosthetics, I have dealt with this hundreds of times with other kids, but something was different this time. We told the boys he had a prosthetic leg and foot which means that it is a "fake" leg and foot. Fake is usually a word I use for kids around the same age as mine. It is a word they can understand and relate to the prosthetic as not a real body part. The kids were off and running into the playhouse and I thought this adventure was over.
As Mike and I sat at the table next to the other Moms we could hear all the children in the playhouse talking about Carter. The kids had all gathered in the bubble part of the playhouse and were standing around Carter and Chase. From where the parents were sitting we could all see and hear our kids. Out of the mouths of babes comes "what a strange baby" and "he is a fake baby" and "he is a robot baby with a robot leg" and even a "look he is missing fingers too". Very simply said kids are curious and it is very normal to hear these comments out of the mouths of babes. Unfortunately my defenses were down because I felt like the parents should have been helpful in the beginning of this encounter when we were answering their questions.
I felt like my sons future was being played for me in an awful nightmare. I saw him being cornered and taunted by peers. I saw his brother being emotional hurt because peers were making fun of his brother. I saw Carter's self confidence being trampled on. In my heart I know Carter and Chase will be able to deal with any situation with style and grace but I also know that there will be tough times ahead and there might be a day when Carter comes home from school crying. Every child struggles with self image and self confindence, I know I did and I still do. I can not even imagine what it will be like for Carter growing up always looking different.
Rationally, I knew that these kids are being innocent and that their reaction to Carter were very normal. Mike and I sat and listened and try to see how it would play out. We couldn't get inside the play house bubble to intervene and try to help the other children understand why Carter was different so we had to let go and let nature take over. This went on for about 10 - 15 minutes of the kids talking about Carter and trying to figure him out, while Chase and Carter played like they had not a care in the world. To Chase and Carter it is typical.
Then the boys decided it would be cute to go on the other side of the bubble wall and when Carter would go up to the wall he yelled "ah the robot baby" and ran away screaming. Where is his mom you ask????....sitting right there watching.
Feelings are Feelings and rationality does not always come into play when feelings are being tested. I calmly got up and cleared off our table while tears rolled down my face. Mike calmy collected the boys and got them ready to go. The Mothers stared at us saying nothing. One Mother was putting on her sons shoes and I could hear him asking her questions about Carter and her not answering him.
What kind of message do you think these children get from their parents about being different?
In all the times we have encountered curious children never once until this day have I met parents who didn't want to be involved when their children were asking my husband and I questions about Carter. Out of all the people I talk to about Carter I always hope it sticks with the kids the most because it will help them throughout childhood when meeting people who are different. I am thinking maybe I should hope that it sticks with the parents more since they set the tone for how their children intereact with others.
My Bee has left my Bonnet!!! Buzz Buzz Buzz
I got into the play area to find Carter under the playhouse in a small space back right up to the netting with 2 other children lying in front of him and trying to figure out "why he has no hand". I also found my husband trying desperately to difuse the situation but these children where in aww of Carter. Now I am going to say this right up front, I have no problem with curious children or adults, I love telling everyone about Carter and how unique he is. I use our experience(s) to help others understand how everyone is different and that it is ok to be different. I frequently find myself surrounded by at least a dozen kids and parents at the park and I very happily tell them about Carter and his differences and his acheivements. What mother wouldn't want to talk about their kids right?
I am not sure how we did it but we got the kids out from under the playhouse and then got Carter out and explained to the kids in our usual way why Carter had no hand. We told them that he was born with no hand, which usually is followed by "why?" (typical little kid question) and we usually say something like "God made him that way" and by this time their parents usually pipe in and help explain in a way that they know their child will understand by this time the kids are usually all playing together and it becomes a parent to parent conversation.
Well this time was different. The moms of the boys didn't come to see what we were talking to their children about nor do I think they cared why my husband and I were talking to their children. Which I must say frightens me - if I saw 2 adults talking to my children I would be right there finding out why strangers were talking to them.
We got our boys to the table to eat lunch and the kids were walking over and asking us why he had no hand and we kept saying the same thing and still the Moms sitting right next to us said nothing. One kid stood at our table for nearly 3 minutes staring at Carter and didn't say anything. When I said "Hey Buddy what's up" he ran away. I felt really bad because I was just trying to make him comfortable to ask a question but at the same time I felt like it wasn't fair to Carter to have someone standing at our table staring at him. Still the Mother's who now clearly knew what was going on, said nothing. So when lunch was over they ventured back to the playhouse and about 5 boys (4 - 8 years old) followed my boys into the tunnels. The minute Carter got on the floor to climb into the playhouse they noticed his prosthetic foot. I was totally prepared to explain his prosthetics, I have dealt with this hundreds of times with other kids, but something was different this time. We told the boys he had a prosthetic leg and foot which means that it is a "fake" leg and foot. Fake is usually a word I use for kids around the same age as mine. It is a word they can understand and relate to the prosthetic as not a real body part. The kids were off and running into the playhouse and I thought this adventure was over.
As Mike and I sat at the table next to the other Moms we could hear all the children in the playhouse talking about Carter. The kids had all gathered in the bubble part of the playhouse and were standing around Carter and Chase. From where the parents were sitting we could all see and hear our kids. Out of the mouths of babes comes "what a strange baby" and "he is a fake baby" and "he is a robot baby with a robot leg" and even a "look he is missing fingers too". Very simply said kids are curious and it is very normal to hear these comments out of the mouths of babes. Unfortunately my defenses were down because I felt like the parents should have been helpful in the beginning of this encounter when we were answering their questions.
I felt like my sons future was being played for me in an awful nightmare. I saw him being cornered and taunted by peers. I saw his brother being emotional hurt because peers were making fun of his brother. I saw Carter's self confidence being trampled on. In my heart I know Carter and Chase will be able to deal with any situation with style and grace but I also know that there will be tough times ahead and there might be a day when Carter comes home from school crying. Every child struggles with self image and self confindence, I know I did and I still do. I can not even imagine what it will be like for Carter growing up always looking different.
Rationally, I knew that these kids are being innocent and that their reaction to Carter were very normal. Mike and I sat and listened and try to see how it would play out. We couldn't get inside the play house bubble to intervene and try to help the other children understand why Carter was different so we had to let go and let nature take over. This went on for about 10 - 15 minutes of the kids talking about Carter and trying to figure him out, while Chase and Carter played like they had not a care in the world. To Chase and Carter it is typical.
Then the boys decided it would be cute to go on the other side of the bubble wall and when Carter would go up to the wall he yelled "ah the robot baby" and ran away screaming. Where is his mom you ask????....sitting right there watching.
Feelings are Feelings and rationality does not always come into play when feelings are being tested. I calmly got up and cleared off our table while tears rolled down my face. Mike calmy collected the boys and got them ready to go. The Mothers stared at us saying nothing. One Mother was putting on her sons shoes and I could hear him asking her questions about Carter and her not answering him.
What kind of message do you think these children get from their parents about being different?
In all the times we have encountered curious children never once until this day have I met parents who didn't want to be involved when their children were asking my husband and I questions about Carter. Out of all the people I talk to about Carter I always hope it sticks with the kids the most because it will help them throughout childhood when meeting people who are different. I am thinking maybe I should hope that it sticks with the parents more since they set the tone for how their children intereact with others.
My Bee has left my Bonnet!!! Buzz Buzz Buzz
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Roller Coaster Ride
I missed Maggie Day last week while I was at the Hospice House but Mike taped it for me. I thought everyone would like to see what fun the boys had with the roller coaster. Carter was very very tired but still had a lot of fun! He really preferred to climb the slide part rather than go down it in the car. I never doubted that Chase would love it! I am sure it was horrible when they realized Maggie was taking it with her when she left! I bet we will see that one back here.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Gram
My Gram passed away on October 6th at 4 am. It was very hard on everyone in our family. Saying good-bye to someone you love is never easy.
The 8 days at the Hospice House with my Gram gave me a lot of time to soul search. My Gram said a lot of things to me in those 8 days and I guess you can say it changed my life. Sharing such intimate moments with my Gram moved me to make a decision about myself that I have been thinking about for years, since I was a little girl.
October 30th I start school to be an LNA. I made the decision before my Gram passed and she was absolutely thrilled. I promised her I would go to school for my LNA and then in the future get my LPN and maybe even RN. My experience at the Hospice House changed my life and I hope that I can help change others lives by becoming a LNA.
For every door that is closed another is opened! Thanks Gram, I will always love you.
The 8 days at the Hospice House with my Gram gave me a lot of time to soul search. My Gram said a lot of things to me in those 8 days and I guess you can say it changed my life. Sharing such intimate moments with my Gram moved me to make a decision about myself that I have been thinking about for years, since I was a little girl.
October 30th I start school to be an LNA. I made the decision before my Gram passed and she was absolutely thrilled. I promised her I would go to school for my LNA and then in the future get my LPN and maybe even RN. My experience at the Hospice House changed my life and I hope that I can help change others lives by becoming a LNA.
For every door that is closed another is opened! Thanks Gram, I will always love you.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Where have I been...
To all my friends and family,
I wanted to let everyone know that I have been away and have not been able to blog about my boys. My Grandmother was put in the Community Hospice House on Friday and I have not left since. She is very peaceful and pain free. The staff here is unbelievable and have been so great to my family. I have been trying to check my email when I am up to it and I thought this would be the easiest way to communicate with everyone. My Gram saw my boys and saw Carter walk and she was so happy. Now we are just sitting and waiting for her to make her way to Heaven. This is such a rough process for everyone. My boys are bringing me lots of smiles and my husband is being my rock. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. I will get back into my blogging when the timing is right for me. For now please think of my Gram.
Thanks to everyone,
KelliAnn
I wanted to let everyone know that I have been away and have not been able to blog about my boys. My Grandmother was put in the Community Hospice House on Friday and I have not left since. She is very peaceful and pain free. The staff here is unbelievable and have been so great to my family. I have been trying to check my email when I am up to it and I thought this would be the easiest way to communicate with everyone. My Gram saw my boys and saw Carter walk and she was so happy. Now we are just sitting and waiting for her to make her way to Heaven. This is such a rough process for everyone. My boys are bringing me lots of smiles and my husband is being my rock. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. I will get back into my blogging when the timing is right for me. For now please think of my Gram.
Thanks to everyone,
KelliAnn
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